Finding identity in the domestic life.

As I have been significantly housebound the last 2 weeks (with Michael sick the first and myself, the second) and feeling out of touch with people, I have been mostly struggling to identify with my current status here at home. I have been reflecting on this topic for a few days. My dear sister-in-law aptly posed it in a conversation recently - "Who are we anymore?" We used to be working women making our own sort of difference in the world. In my case, this was interacting with students and parishioners, helping them make beautiful music and providing them with music, respectively; beautifying the liturgy by uplifting hearts to the sacred through music. A worthy job in its self. I was thanked for it, complimented on it, trusted with it; comforted by the appreciation of people who saw me once or twice a week. I admit, I judged my work and worth too often by their standards. Fast forward a year later, and my job title is a stay-at-home mama and wife. Two small 4-letter words. If not careful, we can reduce ourselves to just that - words and lists and chores. We cook. We clean. We bathe. We wait on (and for) nap times. We pay bills and budget. All the necessary things of life. I do take comfort in that word - necessary. We wives and mamas do very necessary menial and physical work, vital really.

"Homemaking is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railway, mines, cars, government, etc. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes?...The homemaker's job is one for which all others exist." ~ C.S. Lewis

So then I am a domestic queen?! My rule reigns and my position is essential; I am the lifeblood of my family and oil to a smooth-running society. Not so fast; again, this will be another detrimental view of the place and character of our stay-at-home vocations, and again, one that seeks to feed pride. Yes, a wife and mother is (or should be) queen of her husband's and children's hearts. But what (hopefully) compels them to feel thus? Certainly not the days of unkempt hair, yoga pants, tired eyes, and not-so-patient replies. It is the love with which she accepts and acts upon the will of God for her, and by so doing, sustains those entrusted to her care. Necessary tasks aside, it struck me how much more "important" I should feel my work is now, this quiet, unseen duty within the home - our Lord has trusted me intimately with the care of souls!  That of my husband - to keep in prayer, support, lead to heaven...and that of Michael - to teach, form in love, and also lead to heaven. No insignificant task at all! Interesting how our Lord has allowed such a significant and important work to be one of the most hidden and unknown to the world, eh? It will be judged partially by its fruit yes, but even more so by the spirit and manner in which the work is performed...these things only He will know.

I have been reading a bit of St. Edith Stein lately (otherwise known as Sr. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, convert from Judaism who became a nun and later died in a Nazi concentration camp, marvelous philosopher and writer) and am finding her writings  inspiring. She truly grasps the essence of woman and outlines her vocational role within the spiritual and earthly realities with great wisdom. I have much I want to share from her, but pertaining to the subject of this post, Edith's descriptions of the Blessed Mother's hidden life resonated with me:

"The image of the Mother of God demonstrates the basic spiritual attitude which corresponds to woman's natural vocation: her relation to her husband is one of obedience, trust, and participation in his life as she furthers his objective tasks and personality development; to the child she gives true care, encouragement and formation of his God-given talents; she offers both selfless surrender and a quiet withdrawal when unneeded.  All this is based on the concept of marriage and motherhood as vocation from God; it is carried out for God's sake and under His guidance...But not as her action does she do all this: she is the handmaid of the lord; she fulfills that to which God has called her." 

The Blessed Mother rightly could have taken the cake for bragging rights - she was mothering the Savior Himself! But on the contrary, she remained silent and hidden, humble to act behind the scenes in the Lord's great plan. She knows that her actions are nothing of her doing, but the prompting of Him and His grace,  to which she was fully submitted, trusting Him to see all and bring to fruition her works and offerings. Such humility and denial of self. Mary sought not to fulfill her self-worth, but only His will. That is what we must be - handmaids of His will, seeking our worth in His approval, not in our own poor measure of self-worth. We must desire to identify with who He wants us to be in the domestic life; indeed, we shouldn't even truly care to know who we are, but understand that we are what He makes of us. Isn't there freedom in that? If we are totally surrendered to His grace and will, He will shine through us to our family and work through our actions. It will be His love that we give, His care that we provide, His gentle formation that we impart. If we can remember this at all times, we are sure to be working for, in, and through His love, and those souls we encounter every day and night will be touched by our Lord. What better worth is there than that? We can always reach God by way of the Blessed Mother, especially by imitating her example. If we must know our identity, may we shape it like hers, and therefore, humbly find it in doing God's will out of complete love of Him.

A quote from my favorite Catherine Doherty: "Let us ask the Lord to show women today the fullness of the life of Nazareth. Pray that he might life the veil of years and sentimental piety, and present his own mother as she really was - a housewife, a mother, a spouse, a woman busy at the sublime creative work of the 'kingdom,' which was his home on earth...Do we understand the sublimity of service - humbly, daily, constantly repeated?...Let us ask Mary to help us restore our work in the home to Christ, and to restore all the work of our hands, all our labors, to Christ."

Baby books.

After posting my current reading list for 2013, I thought I would share Michael's favorite "reads" as of late. Boy, does that child love looking at books. We pull him off the grown-up shelves at least 10 times a day, and I think he is starting to get the hint. I have a little area for him for his stack of books, but apparently he knows he's missing out on the deeper stuff. Mama reads to him at least 3 times a day, and Papa usually reads to him  once in the evening. And we read the same books...again...and again. These are Michael's current favorites.

He loves the Brown Bear, Brown Bear and Polar Bear, Polar Bear books...I think the repetitive nature of the text and the brightly colored picture of a single animal on each page catches his attention:

And this gem that we grew up with; hard to find, but Nana has secured one for him and for his cousins:

He likes the illustrations of the children and angels in this book, and likes finding Jesus:

As Michael enjoys watching trucks and cars drive past, he pours over this book, turning the pages back and forth; he also enjoys the 'Boats' book in this series, as he is used to seeing many different kinds of boats around the Puget Sound here.

He loves seeing the little babies on every page of this book, coos at them and tries to kiss them:

This is a real favorite of his, although not a board book, which describes the different ways animal babies are carried by their mother, with a few human babies thrown in :):

This cute little publication is from the children's magazine Highlights and is a toddler edition complete with laminated baby safe pages - so cute! My great-aunt who writes for Highlights gifted Michael with a subscription. I think he enjoys being allowed to look at something more paper-like. The illustrations and little poems and songs are fun to read aloud to him. Thank you, Aunt Patricia!

It is good to foster a love of books, of learning and of reading early, even with babies. As we read to them, they start to grasp all the new and wonderful things they can see and learn about, yes even by way of picture books - especially truths about the world and God. I remember reading this once upon a time..."Children are made readers on the laps of their parents." I saw it occur within my family growing up. Mom would patiently read through the large piles of books that we children would drag to her side; religious, science, historical biography's, nature, fiction  etc., and I remember doing the same for my younger siblings. Also, as we got older, she would read aloud marvelous historical fictions books, usually pertaining to a subject we were studying in school. Just a chapter a day, over tea during the winter and outdoors during the summer. I truly believe these actions of hers nourished our love of books and of reading and still bear fruit in the present day. Thanks, Mother! 

"You may have tangible wealth untold. Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be - I had a mother who read to me."

~ Strickland Gillilan

Finding the beauty in sickness.

It's been a quiet week over here...not quiet in terms of relaxation and lots of rest; quite the opposite actually. Michael contracted some nasty cold which appeared last Saturday. Fever, lots of congestion, gagging/vomiting as a result of mucus, restless nights, etc. Poor guy. We assisted him through it as best we could with medicines, Vit. C, broth, nose clearing, extra naps and lots of cuddling. It was especially tiring for me to sooth him all night long 2 nights in a row. We've seen a little progress in the right direction each day, and it was assuring to see that he retained most of his normal character and activity except for the day of the fever. He is on the upward climb to recovery now! But now, I've got the cold, not as bad as Michael did, and Andrew is teetering on the edge...hope it clears out of our home soon.

Trader Joe's tissue box captions always make me smile.

As a result, plans with friends had to be canceled, Mass has been out of the question, we had to miss the pro-life rally in Olympia, and I may be missing out on a few days of visiting my dear sister, Catherine, down south this weekend. Boo. As we accepted these realities, we were inspired to examine the bright side of the picture. The virtue of patience was definitely deepened; communication and compassion brought to the forefront; love and trust continued to be built upon. Andrew is an extremely good at-home "doctor", and I can attest to many occasions of his watchful and wise TCL during past illnesses. Michael was able to benefit from Andrew's care this time around, and we loved seeing his trust and dependence on Andrew especially, deepen during this process; he knows we are here to help him through unpleasant times. (He'll sit still for Andrew for a temperature take or nose suction way better then he will for me now!) Michael's affection also seemed to grow (of course you will always want your mama when under the weather), but he has been taking time to call my name often and smile at me, and come up to me and lay his head on my knee or rub my leg. So endearing. When I awoke during the night a few times, I found Michael all the way over on the other side of our king-sized bed, pressed up against Andrew's back when he has previously always stayed by my side. Yes, it is twice as hard and stressful taking care of a sick baby then it is yourself, but don't forget to look for the rewards you will reap! There truly is a beauty in every aspect and circumstance of life - the presence of God. I'm thankful to have had tiredness, vomits on my person, disappointments, and quarantine :) to offer up for family members/friends' little crises and intentions, and especially for all those standing up for life this week - the DC March for Life is today! It was encouraging for me to remember that I am helping build the culture of life by staying home and putting all the love, security, and prayers that I can into my little boy so that he will be a light of Christ to this dark world, which needs so much love and healing. Loving Christ; the source and example of perfect love, giving love, teaching love, growing love in our children - that is what we can do, even while home and alone. And if we do that successfully to our utmost, what we will merit for the Kingdom...

On reading, 2013 style.

"A man is known by the books he reads." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let's talk books; specifically in the context of reading thoroughly and being edified.  Since I graduated from college a few years ago, I find that if I don't read something substantial every week, my brain does start to de-solidify. Truly. My mind feels stale and un-exercised, and I might notice a slump in my grammar and a lack of variety in my choice of words. I believe that even as mamas, we have an obligation to continue to cultivate our minds and increase our knowledge of God and of things, so as to be more fruitful in the lives of our families and in the world. If our children see us being responsible with our God-given minds and reason by continuing to form and educate them, they will understand the importance of learning. Of course, we can pick knowledge up from the Internet, but not in the same depth or with the same degree of mental stimulation, I think. And so, I've made it a personal goal to always have a book in progress on my coffee table or nightstand. The following titles are some I greatly enjoyed in 2012 and highly recommend:

- Unplanned - Abbey Johnson

- The Appalling Strangeness of the Mercy of God; the Story of Ruth Pakaluk - Michael Pakaluk

- A Severe Mercy - Sheldon Vanauken

- The Four Loves - C.S. Lewis

- Kristin Lavransdatter - Sigrid Undset

- A Mother's Rule of Life - Holly Pierlot

- The Heart of Motherhood - Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle

- Donkey Bells, Advent and Christmas with Catherine Doherty

I may have read one or two more, but these are the titles that stood out in my memory. The many other unmentioned titles here, were books having to do with health, pregnancy, birthing, babies, etc., which I devoured according to a first successful pregnancy and that season in my life.

Ongoing reference titles which have been extremely helpful in dwelling upon and celebrating the the Christian life and liturgical year:

- Around the Year with the Trapp Family - Maria von Trapp

- The Year and Our Children: Catholic Family Celebrations for Every Season -
Mary Reed Newland

- A Continual Feast: A Cookbook to Help Celebrate the Joys of Family and Faith Throughout the Christian Year - Evelyn Birge Vitz

- Grace In Every Season - Catherine Doherty

Now that my baby boy is getting more and more active, curious, rambunctious, inquisitive, semi-destructive (the adjectives could continue), I find it hard to read more then a few paragraphs during, the day, and so have made it a point to read at night before going to bed. Michael is starting to greatly enjoy books, and so perhaps I can introduce a time during the day when he can sit and look at his books while Mama gets a few pages in. (I'll do a post soon on our current favorite baby books.) Anyhow, here is my working book list for 2013:

- The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur: the Woman Whose Goodness Changed her Husband from Atheist to Priest (currently in progress, and what a read!)

- Searching for and Maintaining Peace - Fr. Jacques Philippe

- Extreme Makeover: Women Transformed by Christ, not Conformed to Culture -
Teresa Tomeo

- Discovering the Feminine Genius - Katrina J. Zeno

- Marriage, the Mystery of Faithful Love - Dietrich von Hildebrand

- The Cross and the Beatitudes - Fulton J. Sheen

- Yesterday, Today and Forever - Maria von Trapp 

- Dorothy Day, Selected Writings - edited by Robert Ellsberg

- How Do You Tuck in a Superhero: And Other Delightful Mysteries of Raising Boys-
Rachel Balducci
- Ramona - Helen Hunt Jackson

Most of these books are on the smaller size, so I have faith that I should be able to finish this set and start on another before the year is out! What good reads have you had lately or plan to read this year? Please do share below!!

"To recoil from duty and sacrifice is cowardly. Today, there is a duty to bear children (and it is often a sacrifice); it is a duty to have a care for those in less fortunate circumstances than our own in the matter of wealth or education; it is a duty to develop unceasingly one's intelligence, to strengthen one's character, to become a creature of thought and will; it is a duty to view life with joy and to face it with energy. Finally, it is a duty to be able to understand one's time and not despair of the future. All this a woman can do...But for that she must come and draw her strength from the source of all strength, and to increase her intelligence she must bring it into contact with the supreme Intelligence." 
~Elisabeth Leseur

Savoring the last weekend.

Today we commemorate the feast of the baptism of our Lord, the day that marks the close of the Christmas celebratory season. I have always been stuck by this first act of Jesus in His public ministry; to mingle Himself, the Savior of the world, among sinners and humbly submit to baptism. He truly wishes to dwell with us and assist us in our trials and temptations. It is a good day to also reflect upon the fact that we are especially united to Him and His Mystical Body through the grace of our own baptisms; that sacrament that permanently marks us as His own.

We stretched this last weekend of Christmas out as slowly as possible, despite the business of getting back to our normal parish weekend schedule - choir rehearsal, CCD classes, a baptism - and Andrew was away Saturday evening teaching a voice class for the newly ordained deacons of the archdiocese. I spent a little time finishing laundry, checking the pantry status and meal planning, tending to Michael, and catching up with a few friends. In our together time, we listened to lots of Christmas music, and enjoyed our tree and Christmas gifts. It has been in the low 30's-20's, so we stayed indoors away from the frosty air. We concluded our Sunday with a (late) Epiphany house blessing, chicken soup, evening prayer, and the Rosary - ready to usher in Ordinary Time!  

O Lord, Almighty God, bless this house that it may become a shelter of health, chastity, self-conquest, humility, goodness, mildness, obedience to the Commandments, and thanksgiving to God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Upon this house and those who dwell herein may Your blessing remain forever.

Texas holidays.

Michael and I had a lovely visit with my family Dec. 31-Jan 9. It was fun to see him interact with his grandparents, uncles and aunties, and cousins! And it was gratifying for me to see the joy he brings to others. I enjoyed spending time with my sisters and mother, especially; time that I find I need at least once a year. We are a very close family, but there is nothing like going for a cup of coffee or lunch, and having a heart to heart chat in person (thank you, Laura!) Activities included playing with and cuddling the little ones, playing games, visiting the Dallas Zoo and the U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing (so interesting), exploring downtown Dallas, and eating delicious foods. I will let the (many) pictures speak for themselves on the joyous time had by all! I am so blessed to have this family.

 

 

 

This young man is 10 months now - can you believe it??