God is there.

Lent...always an opportune time for the stirring of the soul, digging deeper, rooting beneath the rotten soil to find again the seeds of faith and trust that He has already planted which lie awaiting the nurturing of our desire for union with Him. Loneliness, especially, is a great tool He uses to call us closer to Him. I am still getting used to being so removed from family, close friends, familiar surroundings, language, culture, etc., and loneliness has been a frequent companion of mine. Not entirely unwelcomed, for I have learned that once the initial self-centered pangs of loneliness are pushed aside, there God is, offering the communion we crave, and that He alone can fulfill. Once we allow ourselves to release our loneliness into His hands, what freedom and deeper trust is experienced! Hoping I can relinquish enough of myself for a duration long enough to allow this precious freedom to bloom into joy and service to others more often. The beautiful flowering bulbs and branches around Trumau this spring have been a great reminder of this; He has created us with so much potential, if only we can trust ourselves to burst from the soil and tangled roots of our fear and sin, and race towards the light and grace with which He desires to flood our tiny seeds of faith and culture them into radiant blossoms.

I came across the reflection below at one very opportune moment...

"In despair, despair not. Let yourself accept everything; in reality it is only an acceptance of the finite and the futile. Make yourself block up every exit; only the exits to the finite, the paths that lead to what is really trackless, will be dammed up. Do not be frightened over the loneliness and abandonment of your interior dungeon, which seems to be so dead — like a grave. For if you stand firm, if you do not run from despair, if in despair over the idols which up to now you called God you do not despair in the true God, if you thus stand firm — this is already a wonder of grace — then you will suddenly perceive that your grave-dungeon only blocks the futile finiteness; you will become aware that your deadly void is only the breadth of God's intimacy, that the silence is filled up by a word without words, by the one who is above all name and is all in all. That silence is God's silence. It tells you that he is there.

That is the second thing you should do in your despair: notice that God is there. Know with faith that he is with you. Perceive that for a long time now he has been waiting for you in the deepest dungeon of your blocked-up heart, and that for a long time he has been quietly listening to you, even though you, after all the busy noise that we call our life, do not even let him get a word in edgewise, and his words to the man-you-were-until-now seem only deadly silence. You shall see that you by no means make a mistake if you give up your anxiety over yourself and your life, that you by no means make a mistake if you relax your hold on self, that you are by no means crushed with despair if once and for all you despair of yourself, of your wisdom and strength, and of the false image of God that is snatched away from you.

As if by a miracle, which must be renewed every day, you will perceive that you are with him. You will suddenly experience that your God-distance is in truth only the disappearance of the world before the dawning of God in your soul, and that the darkness is nothing but God's brightness, that throws no shadow, and your lack of outlets is only the immeasurability of God, to whom no road is needed, because he is already there. You shall see that you should not try to run away from your empty heart, because he is already there, and so there can be no reason for you to flee from this blessed despair into a consolation that does not exist.

If we do this, then peace comes all by itself. Peace is the most genuine activity: the silence that is filled with God's word, the trust that is no longer afraid, the sureness that no longer needs to be assured, and the strength that is powerful in weakness — it is, then, the life that rises through death. There is nothing more in us then but God; God and the almost imperceptible and yet all-filling faith that he is there, and that we are."

--Karl Rahner, The Eternal Year, trans. John Shea (Burns & Oates).

Also came across this recently on the benefit of solitude and silent moments, especially for women and mothers:

"Why do we need solitude (and silence, which often accompanies it)? We need it because solitude makes us more sensitive mothers. Removing ourselves from constant stimulation and noise actually sharpens our sensitivity. Also, solitude forces us to face ourselves. In solitude we learn to like ourselves better because we are faced with our own company. It helps us heal from old hurts so that we can be free to enjoy the present and it refreshes us in ways that the company of others can't. Finally, solitude centers us and brings about a deep peace that cannot be achieved while staying immersed in either the good noise of friends and family or the awful noise of raucous media. We must retreat into quiet aloneness so that we can learn to be the women we were meant to be."

From 'The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers' by Meg Meeker (a book I'd love to read sometime!)

Such truth there. This Lent especially has been providing me ample time for self-evaluation and reflection - the big difference in time zones prevents me from easily accessing my family or friends (which I resented for a good while at first) leaving lots of time for internal quiet. It has, and is taking some getting used to, but I have definitely noticed a good difference in "knowing" myself, my faults and weaknesses, people/situations I needed to forgive, love and pray for. Now to work on those...

Still in awe over these little miracles granted to me! What peace and joy they bring. Another joy that is being granted me is my baby sister Elizabeth, live in Vienna for at least a year, starting in 2 weeks! She will be an au pair for a Viennese family over the summer then will take classes here at ITI in the fall. Feeling so blessed and grateful to have one of my siblings in such close proximity - God is good.

"Since in seeking you, my God, I seek a happy life, let me seek you so that my soul may live, for my body draws life from my soul and m soul draws life from you. God alone satisfies."
~ St. Augustine, in his Confessions

More Paleo and a little {Lenten} challenge.

So you know we've been eating pretty clean the last 6 months. (Let's not factor in the holidays though. :) We've enjoyed better sleep habits, weight loss, energy increase, only 1 sickness (hmm, it sprang up right after the holidays), I'd also like to say more clarity of mind, although the husband may say otherwise. Grin. Here are a few more Paleo dishes I've made, and so easy and fast! (Laura):

My version of Paleo lasagna - spaghetti squash, spinach, and any tomato sauce mixed with whichever meat or shrimp I have on hand.

Sweet potato shepard's pie courtesy of Karen Kempf - check out her blog for yummy GF recipes and lots of nutritional info!

Red potato and leek soup.

Peach and blackberry crisp with coconut flour/almond topping.

Hmm, this doesn't look like something too delicious (taken with Andrew's phone camera) but it is the result of our first Paleo chocolate ice cream made with coconut milk and maple syrup for sweetener. I was out of town when Andrew whipped it up in my Christmas gift (which I have a very strong suspicion was more for him than I) but he said this ice cream is extremely delicious and he is looking forward to more. 

As sweets aren't found in our home, other then in the forms of dark chocolate and the occasional pint of ice cream, and the fact that meat is such a staple in our meals, I've been thinking about what food(s) to offer up this Lent. The fact that we are still eating Paleo style, makes treat or cheat foods all the more enjoyable, and so I figure, no treats/cheats for Lent and no evening wine glass for me. I've also decided to follow the Whole 30 "cleanse" which is basically Paleo in the strictest sense of the word. No occasionally safe add-in's like red potatoes, corn, cheeses, nut flours, Greek yogurt, cream, honey, dark chocolate, etc., and I will be keeping an eye out for added sugar in products. I feel it's a good sacrificial food choice for me to make, and one that will still allow me to get the nutrients I need as a nursing, active mama. Here are 30 reasons to do Whole 30 - most of these benefits apply to Paleo in general, but I am hoping these will be even more apparent as I complete this strict sugar cleanse. Also hoping that this will get me over the final little hurdle and back to my pre-pregnancy weight for good! I am starting today so that I will get 40 days of it in before Holy Week...not sure yet if hubby will participate 100%, but that's ok.  I will of course check in with my thoughts at the end of the 40 days and continue to share a few meal ideas along the way. Feel free to ask for any recipes that pique your interest!

We are thankful to have discovered this method of eating - it has worked so well for us and we enjoy it! So much so that it takes a very good restaurant to coax us to eat out, and we have decided to save eating out for the "cleaner food" restaurants. Thankfully we live in a more food-conscious city and can find quite a few places where I don't have to worry about what is in the meat. :) 

Joy of being - a Lenten resolve.

Lent is fast approaching!  Yesterday in CCD class, I instructed my 8th grade students to review the virtues which we have been studying the past few weeks, and choose one to especially reflect upon and practice throughout Lent. Of course, a good teacher should exemplify the truths that she teaches, most particularly in religion, right? ;) As I have mentioned a time or two before, joy is a virtue that I often reflect upon, am working towards, and pray for the grace to make it more of an immediate habit. My intense focus and fast-moving mind (and probably lack of enough sleep due to a nursing baby) often causes me to react to situations and interactions with far less cheerfulness, positivism, and grace than I should. My husband gently reminded me of this recently, and as I have been pondering what things to focus on improving during Lent, his suggestions feel opportune. I desire true joy of being so that I may radiate more of our Lord's joy to those I encounter, so they may know the depth of His eternal mercy and love. This, I strongly feel, is our special business as women; to impart joy, beauty, and love to our fellow man and the world around us. We were created with a soul and body that desires to love, a spirit that seeks to create and beautify, and a mind that quickly perceives what is needed to achieve balance and harmony. Now, to daily impart all this with a calm and collected demeanor, and a smile? As an authentic joy must go hand in hand with peace of spirit, we must trust our Lord to help us balance the complexity of our days and attend to each matter yes, diligently, but also with peaceful acceptance and sincere joy. One of my favorite saints, St. Gianna Berreta Molla, was a true model of the joyful, peaceful, wife, mother, and Christian woman who balanced perfectly the spiritual with the trials of the physical life, and I often return to her story and words. Here are St. Gianna's thoughts on the reasons to smile...

Hymn to the Smile

To smile at God, from who all gifts come to us.

To smile to God, the Father, with ever more perfect prayers to the Holy Spirit.

To smile at Jesus, drawing near him in Holy Mass, in Communion, in visits to the Blessed Sacrament.

To smile at him who personifies Christ, the Pope; at him who personifies God, our confessor, even when he calls us to mortification.

To smile at the Holy Virgin, model upon which we must pattern our lives, so that whoever looks at us may be led to good thoughts.

To smile at the guardian angel because he was given us by God to guide us to paradise.

To smile at parents, brothers, and sisters, because we ought to be torches of joy, even when they impose duties on us that go against our pride.

To smile always, pardoning offenses.

To smile in the Association, banishing any criticism and murmuring.

To smile at those whom the Lord sends us during the day.

The world seeks joy but does not find it because it is far from God.

We, full of the joy that comes from Jesus, carry joy in our hearts with Jesus. He will be the strength that helps us.

Since we know that we find our joy in the Lord, what better place to start our day than in front of the tabernacle, where He resides, waiting and yearning to relieve our burdens and fill our souls with His joy and love? I have been able to go to morning Mass now and again, but feel that in order to gain a deeper joy and peace, I must make an effort to increase my attendance. St. Gianna again confirmed this for me:

"To be an apostle...the soul ought always to be in grace, that is, ought to be the temple, the living tabernacle; I ought to have the divine life in me to be able to communicate it to the souls that surround me. Let us often think that with grace, with Jesus in our hearts, we are "Alter Christus". We will certainly not only keep from committing sin, but we will bring joy everywhere, the fragrance of Christ."

Love that phrase - the fragrance of Christ! What woman does not want to have a lovely scent? What better place to acquire the perfect aromatic combination of love, joy and peaceful fulfillment than from His dear presence? St. Bonaventure refers to the Lord as being the complete and eternal source of these things at the end of his 'Prayer after Communion'..."May Thou alone be ever my hope, my entire assurance, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my fragrance, my sweet savor, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession and my treasure  in Whom may my mind and my heart be fixed and firmly rooted immovably henceforth and for ever. Amen." If we ask for this sweet fragrance humbly with the fervent desire to share it with others, how can He refuse? Ladies, join me this Lent in more frequent Mass attendance and ask of Him the privilege to become fragrant flowers of His love, so that we may bring His warmth, beauty, and peace to the world through our joyful countenances.

Dear St. Gianna, pray for us!